I’m under the magnetic pulse of the TMS helmet as I type this. Today is #12, and I will leave here and go to my daily therapy session with a wonderful woman named Millicent. She is helping me identify my triggers (things that make me anxious) and she is also talking me through my trauma….which I didn’t even realize was there…..
So every day I’m learning something new about myself and my recovery, which is awesome. I always joke about being 2 different people: myself, who is witty and compassionate, and Marcy, my twin sister, who lives only inside me due to my bicornuate uterus. Simply put, I have 2 of everything: uteruses, cervixes, you name it…… and extra crazy hormones to match. I have 2 vaginas. I was told that when my mom was pregnant with me, there were 2 heartbeats up until 14 weeks gestation. So clearly, I swallowed up my twin sister and all that’s left is her lil vagina, making it impossible to forget about her or leave her in the past.
Now that my current treatment has begun, a third character has introduced herself…. The severely depressed, debilitatingly anxious, fucking miserable character that I do pity, but that bitch is not welcome here again. I’m naming her Marissa, after a poor soul I met while I was hospitalized in December. However, sometime relapse is inevitable. So I have to remember that I must love myself, no matter what kind of mood I’m in or “who” I feel like each day……easier said than done, let me tell ya.
PS: I don’t believe I am 3 different people. I’m simply trying to express how it feels for me when I am moody or depressed, or even happy 👍😀😀